Lately, I have been struggling (though not as much as I ought to) with a spiritual funk. I have been allowing it to put a pall over every spiritual thing I do. My prayers are half-hearted, my dedication to my duties as a Lay Dominican is spotty, and I feel disconnected from God. Frankly, I feel just tired of the effort it takes to be a good Catholic.
I was thinking about how I am going to strive throughout Lent to revive my fervor for God, for the Faith, for the Church. I was thinking about how much easier it would be to just give up and do whatever struck me as fun in the moment. But in my heart of hearts, I know this would be wrong because I know that God is real, that Jesus is real, that He came for me and died for my sins. I know He is present in the Eucharist.
And so in spite of my spiritual morass, I stumble on. In spite of my disillusionment with some leaders in the Church, I stay. Because with every fiber of my being I know that’s Jesus on that altar at Mass, and I couldn’t walk away from Him.
I was thinking about this temptation to just walk away — to give up the hard stuff of living a Catholic life — when I thought of Captain America.
Yes, Captain America.
In every battle Cap faces, he never stops striving to do what’s right. He gets knocked down and then shoves himself back to his feet and looks his adversary in the eye and says, “I could do this all day.” Cap believes in what he’s fighting for, and so he is ready to fight on, even through exhaustion and pain.
But what came to mind is a scene near the climax of Avengers: End Game.
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©2020 Christine Johnson