I’ve been a bit MIA from this site, though until May, I’d been consistent with my monthly writing for CatholicMom.com. Ever since my husband learned that his job was going to be eliminated last November, I’ve been struggling in one way or another.
I trusted that God would provide what we needed, and that is true. He accepted another position with the same company in a new department. (He loves this new position, and I haven’t seen him this happy with his job in a very long time.) But with it came a pay-cut, and so I went back to waiting tables again to be sure that we didn’t have a huge budgetary crisis.
I’m grateful that Nathan is loving his job, and that is something that makes this time back at the restaurant worth doing. He sacrificed for years in positions he wasn’t happy with, doing it all for the family. Sacrificing for me so I didn’t necessarily have to work. I am grateful for that, and I am working on my selfish nature that is making me want to grumble and complain far more than I am entitled to do.
I’m starting to get a feel for the budget again, which is good. We can start to make decisions based on real information instead of my fears.
But sometimes I still worry. We need another car, we need to figure out loans to pay for college education. We have expenses that pop up, and my income is helping us navigate all of that at the moment.
I’m working on trusting God, still. Working on the fact that somehow we’ll be fine, and that, truly, our situation isn’t all that bad. But I occasionally get paralyzed by my anxiety and can’t seem to move forward or backwards or even sideways. I’m just getting ready to move into unfamiliar waters now, and I’m unsure of myself.
Unsure of myself, but I shouldn’t be unsure of God.
Anyway, this is a kind of rambling post, and hopefully I will be able to pull thoughts together more cohesively and get back to writing more often about other stuff that’s going on and changing for us.