In Loving Memory: A Eulogy

Last week, while I was making some delicious Black Bean and Sausage Soup, my crock pot suffered a serious injury. A big crack appeared down the side, spilling soup into the heating element and all over the counter. Since Rival didn’t have my stoneware in stock yet, I decided to attempt to get my crockpot to work through the injury until a replacement could be acquired. Alas! This has made the crack worse! Now, instead of just going down most of one side…

I suspect Prisoner Zero had something to with this.

I suspect Prisoner Zero had something to with this.

…I now have a crack that extends into the base of the stoneware: 

This s a career-ending injury.

This s a career-ending injury.

With this fatal injury, I must retire my beloved 7-quart crock pot, knowing that the stoneware is no longer able to perform its duties. Knowing this, I must give a fitting eulogy for my beloved friend:

My dear 7-Quart Rival Crock Pot, you have been one of my best friends since you first came into my life after the early demise of your sister, 6.5-Quart Rival Crock Pot, who lost the handle to her lid and went to charity to help another family create delicious dinners. Since the day Rival sent you to me as a replacement, you have helped me — like a delightful sous chef — in the preparation of wonderful family meals. You have worked hard as I went about the rest of my day, bringing my children to soccer, dance, and play rehearsals or going to meetings and church gatherings that would keep me away when I might have used your cousins, Pots and Pans.

With you, I’ve created countless pot-luck dishes to share at church, dance, soccer, and with friends. You made soup for us while we were at homeschool co-op so that we could have a hot lunch on cold winter days. You and I created delicious chicken dishes together; remember when we made Rosemary-Garlic Chicken in double-portions so I could freeze half for dinner on another night? Or how we used to make Beef Stroganoff together , and you even had room enough to add all the egg noodles at the very end? I’ll never forget how delicious the Pork Loin Stuffed with Stone Fruit tasted after you worked hard on it all day long.

These were such good times, dear 7-Quart Crock Pot.

You were always wonderfully dependable, and having you around helped save my sanity every year when soccer started and we needed you to keep dinner warm for us. Your digital countdown timer kept me from losing patience with my children when they asked, “How long until dinner is ready?” because you, dearest 7-Quart Crock Pot, would answer them yourself. Your beautiful green digital numbers would tell everyone that it would only be another 00:21 until we could scoop out the wonderful dinner you had helped me create.

Crock Pot, you have saved our family money! Your hard work enabled us to eat at home — with home-made food instead of carry-out — on nights when we were all running in different directions and there was no time to make something once we all gathered in our home again. Your selfless work gave me many Moms’ Nights Out, allowing me to have a dinner prepared for my husband and children when I needed a break with my friends.

You, dear Crock Pot, have strengthened our family.
Because you were here, our family has been able to sit down to meals together almost every night of the week for more years than most families are able to do so. You’ve been a good friend, 7-Quart Rival Crock Pot. I might even say you were like a part of our family.

We will miss you. Rest in peace.

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